Friday, April 1, 2016

It’s inevitable the Sustainable Trails Coalition will get a Member of Congress to sponsor their bill, maybe.

Recently, Ted Stroll published an opinion piece in the High Country News called “It’s Inevitable. There will be bikes in the Wilderness.”  The article glows about the possibilities of mountain biking in Federally Designated Wildernesses, which have been banned until now. But, the article is getting mixed reviews with some people who question Ted’s tactics and logic.

“It’s Inevitable,” said Captain Jean Luc Picard “that sounds like the Borg when they said “resistance is futile,” and look what happened the Borg, we put them to sleep.”  Picard was briefly assimilated by the Borg, but he was also key to the Federation’s victory over the Borg.  “Bikes WILL be in the Wilderness, it all sounds very ominous to me.  Even Number 1 is shaking his head in disapproval about it.”

Dr. Ian Malcolm
But, the prospects of getting the Sustainable Trails Coalition Bill sponsored by a member of Congress are bright.  According to Mathematician Dr. Ian Malcolm, the prospects are quite good.  “The Human-Powered Wildland Travel Act of 2015 will definitely get a sponsor in 2016, or if not, in 2017,” Dr Malcolm said.  Malcolm is best known for his eccentric observations about the Dinosaur themed Jurassic Park. “Life finds a way” Dr Malcolm said, “and just like life, the Sustainable Trails Coalition will find a political hack willing to take up their cause.”

Wedge Antilles

Wedge Antilles also thinks that the Sustainable Trails Coalition will ultimately succeed.  “It’s obvious that mountain bikes are not mechanical transport” he said “there is no way an Ion Drive could be mounted on a bike, so I doubt whether they even qualify as a mechanical object.”  Antilles is best known for being Luke Skywalker’s Wingman in several battles. “The old ways are already on their way out” he said.

Captain Jean Luc Picard
But Picard counters the “Inevitable” statement with this. “The Wilderness Act is not just a set of rules; it is a philosophy ... and a very correct one. History has proven again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization, no matter how well intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous.”  He also added “Congress wanted a place without the influence of mechanization and I say “make it so””

Mathesar of Thermia
Mathesar from the planet Thermia agrees.  “I have examined all the historical documents and there is no evidence to suggest mountain bikes should be allowed in Wilderness Areas.”    Mathesar also has examined all the Galaxy Quest historical documents and credits Captain Jason Nesmith and the Crew of the starship Protector for saving all the Thermians from the evil Sarris.  “What mountain bikers need is a leader, not someone who uses bits and pieces of historical documents to misinform people,” Mathesar said.

As a mathematician, Dr Malcolm wonders why more efforts aren’t being done to build mountain biking trails systems closer to where people actually live. “The people of the Sustainable Trails Coalition were so preoccupied with whether they could get bikes in the Wilderness, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” He says that finding a sponsor should be relatively easy, because over 7000 bills are sponsored every year.  But, only 5% of the bills ever get passed by Congress, and STC’s Bill will have every environmental group coming out against it. So, Malcolm challenges the logic behind the Sustainable Trails Coalition approach. “Gee, the lack of humility before nature being displayed here staggers me.”